by Donna Bell

Many years ago I attended a Christian seminar on depression and the speaker talked about how we sometimes unload our problems on God and, I paraphrase, “God doesn’t need our junk. He doesn’t want it.” At the time it made sense to me. After all, if I didn’t want my junk, why would God? But this line of thinking leaves me holding onto my problems and struggling to find solutions, feeling like God does not really want to get involved in the nitty gritty of my life. And feeling like I better have my act together before I go to Him. But God is not someone you can just say “holy” things to—think about it—who could say something to impress the God of the universe anyhow? Or offer something “good enough” for Him? Here’s what we can offer:

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” Ps. 51:7

He is looking for hearts. My heart. Your heart. Real hearts. He can work with a pliable heart, starting wherever it’s at.

We are not meant to hold on to our burdens and struggle through them on our own. The Bible encourages us to take all things to Him: 

“Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you.” Ps. 55:22a

“Trust in Him at all times, O people, Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” Ps. 62:8

“casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” I Pet. 5:7

David prayed,

“You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?” Ps 56:8

He has kept an account of me (and you, too) and all of my bumbling, wandering, imperfect ways. Does God really keep a bottle of our tears? He certainly could. He does have a book of our life, and I know mine includes tears.

When King Hezekiah became mortally ill and wept bitterly before the Lord in prayer, the Lord sent him word that he had heard his prayer and seen his tears. (2 Ki. 20) Tears speak their own, condensed, language of prayer that God sees and hears.

This whole idea that God keeps track of my tears, whether in a bottle or not, demonstrates that He cares about me and is intimately involved and concerned about what happens to me. Were you ever told as a child, “Stop your crying”? That’s not God. He does not trample over me even when I am at my weakest. He deeply cares for me. He is a refuge for me. He never forgets me, never is unaware of me. 

“This I know, that God is for me.” Ps 56:9b

Our niece told me that she recently overheard her seven-year-old daughter singing in the car while they drove home one day. She was singing, “God, help me be good. I’m not running away from You, I’m running towards You.” I have thought of that simple prayer often over the past months, and prayed it myself. It is wisdom to run towards God when we understand that He cares for us. 

More than 30 years ago, I co-led an intercession in Jerusalem based upon the seven seals found in the Book of The Revelation of Jesus Christ. God brought intercessors from several countries to participate in an intercession for the return of the Lord Jesus Christ in our life time. During this time I received these four words from the Lord. Father told me that this is what would take place before His Son’s return. This is Father’s strategy for the end times. These things we can count on. This is why I’m blowing a Trumpet Blast.

Word One:  Shaking

Father said that He would shake all things. He would start the shaking with the Household of Faith first. Once He began to shake, He would not stop until ALL THINGS that could be shaken would be shaken.

Father said that He would shake by revealing His love. He will shake with His presence. In these end times Father will open a door to intimacy with Him wider than ever before in the history of humankind.

Word Two:  Unity

Father said that true unity would exist among those that have been shaken by encountering His love. He said that unity would be based on knowing Him and Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Word Three:  Ministry

Father said that true ministry will flow out of that relationship with Him and those that know Him.

Word Four:  It Will Cost Us Everything

In 1980, while I was living in San Antonio, Texas, and in the midst of ministry change, I began having pains at night. Severe neck pains that would keep me awake most of the night. The pain was manageable during the day, but at night it kept me from sleep. This went on for weeks and I was feeling the effects of no sleep. We prayed for healing. We prayed more. We had others pray. We had others pray more. And yet, the condition became worse.

One night I woke up from my tossing and turning and noticed a doctor in my room. He wore a three-piece suit and had a black doctor bag. I thought, “Oh my, someone called for a doctor. I must be really bad off. I did not realize that doctors made house calls any more.” Before I could sit up in bed the doctor was at my bedside telling me in no uncertain terms, “Lie still. Do not move.” He began to move my arms and legs to a position he must have thought was going to help and told me again, “Do not move.” I was very uncomfortable, in pain, wanting to sleep, and ticked off that this doctor had very poor bedside manners. I tried to stay in the same spot the doctor had placed me in and I actually dozed off to sleep. It did not last long and I began to thrash around in bed again, only to hear the doctor’s voice commanding me, “Don’t move.” Again, he positioned me and I tried to lay still and then fell off to sleep. This seemed to go on for several hours. Each time I awoke to the doctor telling me, “Don’t move.” I got used to this and finally towards morning when I would awaken, I would lay still until he would position me to where he wanted. By early morning I was feeling comfortable with my doctor and his bedside manners. I also felt pretty good. The neck pains were gone and I had gotten some sleep.

The last time I awoke, the doctor asked me, “Would you like to see how we minister truth to humans?” Wow, I thought that would be cool and said yes right off. The doctor had his hands cupped together in front of his chest and moved them slowly towards me as he opened his hands at the same time. Light poured out from the center of his cupped hands. Bright, brilliant, shocking white light. Then he cupped his hands back and the light was gone. Again he did the same thing and light poured out to me. While he was doing this he told me, “We expose people to light until they become uncomfortable and then we draw back. We do this often, exposing them longer each time until they can take hold of the light themselves.”

I was very impressed. I looked up into my doctor’s eyes and realized that he was sitting cross-legged in thin air a foot or two above the center of my bed. He then disappeared.

The pain never came back and I slept very well once again. I asked the Lord why He sent a angel and did not heal me. The Lord told me that I was not sick but I did need ministry from the warfare I was under.

Within several weeks I was able to hear from the Lord – what to do and where to go as He led me back to Wisconsin.

In 1967 I was fresh out of the Army Security Agency and well into my three years of living in rebellion. My life was full of drugs and the hippy lifestyle. I knew I belonged to Jesus, but I had deliberately chosen to rebel because I was disillusioned and disappointed with the church. I was living in Amarillo, Texas with my wife, best friend JD, and his wife. The four of us were heavy drug users.

One day JD and I were on our way to Mexico to score a load of grass. We made sure we were straight and clean. No drugs for the day. There was another man in the car with us, but to this day I do not remember who he was, why he was with us, or where he went when we got to Mexico. I was driving our red Volkswagen Bug, with JD next to me and the other guy in the back seat. To pass the time we told stories. It was my turn and JD asked me, “Paul, why don’t you tell us some more of those wild stories about the end of the world”? So I began, “JD, you must understand that the Book of Revelation is written about the man, the Lord Jesus Christ.” As soon as I said those words, I was no longer in the car. I found myself standing before the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, right before His throne. I was directly facing Him, only a few feet away. Jesus looked into my eyes and asked, “Paul, who is running your life?” I shot up my hand like a third grader and answered, “I am.” When I tell you that you cannot lie to Jesus in heaven, that statement falls short. Telling of anything in heaven seems to fall short of the reality that is there. You don’t tell lies because the concept is not there. My answer was not bold or brave, just fact. I was running my own life. Jesus, still looking into my eyes, then asked, “Are you happy?” My heart broke. I mean, I knew I was miserable. Jesus did not waste any time and made this statement to me. “Paul, I want your life.” I was completely undone. I was unmade. I did not die or anything like that, but I was just undone as a human. Looking into Jesus’ eyes I answered Him with, “Jesus, you can have my life on four conditions. One, I do not know what is right and wrong. Two, You do. Three, I will not change anything I am doing. Four, You tell me and I will change.”

Bang, I am back in the car and JD is screaming, “Paul, where did you go? Where have you been?” I quickly pulled the car over to the side of the road and told the two of them, “JD, I have just been to heaven with Jesus. And you are a sinner on your way to hell. The wages of sin is death, but God has given us life in Jesus Christ.” I went on to present what we Baptists called the Roman’s Road to Salvation. JD and the guy in the back both prayed the sinner’s prayer and off we went to score our drugs.

I had a deal in Mexico with a farmer and buying the drugs was as easy as driving to his house and driving back across the border. As we were going through U.S. Customs, for some reason they gave us a really hard time. This had never happened before. They finally let us go after a very thorough search of us and the car. As I was driving over the bridge to the U.S., I knew that I knew Jesus was not happy with what I had just done. So,I said to Jesus, “Well, I guess this is the first thing you want me to change. I will never do this again”.

AND I HAVEN’T.

To be continued:

The Rock

I was in the Spirit floating over a body of water. It was a large lake. I was about 15 feet above the surface of the water. Looking up, I witnessed a big rock drop out of the sky. As the rock passed by me I began to travel with it as it continued toward the water. Down through the water’s surface the rock plunged, falling to the lake’s floor. I plunged into the lake along with the rock until I was several feet above the bottom of the lake. I had been surprised by the falling rock and delighted to be able to fall with it into the water. I have had dreams in which I could breathe under water, but those were just dreams and here I was really breathing under water. I felt the water flow into my lungs but it it did not burn nor did I choke. As I floated below the lake’s surface I was keenly aware that the rock’s plunge into the lake was effecting change throughout the whole lake. There was not just one huge ripple that spread out from where the rock dropped, but several concentric rings rippled across the surface above me. In fact, all of the water in the lake was responding to the rock. The Holy Spirit moved me along the lake’s bottom toward shore. I watched the vegetation sway. The sand and even rocks were moved out of their places. Some were washed away and others only slightly rolled with the pressure of the moving water. The lake was alive with movement. As the crest of the first small wave washed upon the shore the movement began to sway back towards the point where the rock entered the lake. Everything that had moved toward the shore now rolled back in the opposite direction, though the impact was slowly weakening.

The vision stopped and the Lord said to me, “Paul, this is the way it is with prophecy.  The word is spoken and the power plunges into earth’s time. Everything is affected. You can spend years looking at the effects of my spoken word. All is affected. But Paul, I want you to FOLLOW THE ROCK. I AM the Rock.”

I understood what He was saying to me. He is more important than what is revealed about Him. The spirit of prophecy is the testimony of Jesus. It is all about Him.

I follow the Rock. I love Him more than what He says, yet how can I help but also love what He is saying.

The Tapestry Room

I was taken up to heaven by the Lord one day. He led me into a long, rather large room. The room was full of angels, busy caring for a large living tapestry. At one end of the room, standing several stories tall, was a large loom. A spindle, large enough to almost fill the whole height of the room, held a bale of light. The bale held thousands of strands or threads of light that fed into the working end of the loom. The threads of light were woven into a very large and long tapestry. The tapestry was alive with history, starting with creation and moving on to the present time. I could see a bird’s-eye view of everything that was going on in history. I first saw Adam and Eve as they were walking in the garden. I could see them clearly and watch what they were doing, then move my eyes down the tapestry a short distance and see what they were doing then. Before I became engrossed in their lives, Jesus grabbed my arm and started pulling me along the edge of the tapestry. Now the room was long and wide and the tapestry filled the room, leaving only a working aisle on either side to walk along. The tapestry was laying out flat about waist high, so I could bend over and see the details of the history of the world of man as it was recorded in truly living color. As Jesus rushed me along the timeline, I could see things I thought I recognized. I was not given time to stop and examine history, but it was there for the seeing.

I came to a period in history where the living color of the tapestry narrowed to a point. For one moment in time there was darkness across the width of the tapestry, and then the full live color returned, expanding from a narrow point and widening out again to the entire width of the tapestry. I knew I was seeing the time when Jesus died on the cross, was buried, and rose again. Jesus continued to pull me along. All this time, Jesus was having a blast. He was so excited. He had a place to go and was going to get me there. Because of His enthusiasm, I felt as though the place He was taking me was the most important on the whole timeline. I was also getting excited. Where was He taking me? When Jesus is excited, all of heaven is too. The room itself was getting excited, as was the tapestry. Jesus began to slow down and pay attention to the light threads that made up the living tapestry, as if He could see each one, knew each one, and was looking for just one out of the whole.  As He slowed down He spoke out loud for the first time since our arrival in the tapestry room. “Look, look. Here, here, here are your grandfathers and grandmothers, here’s your mom and dad…” and leaping up with great joy, He pointed down to the tapestry, “there you are!”

With a whoosh in my spirit I found myself back in my room, sitting in my chair, totally amazed. Jesus was so excited over ME.

I was taken to a large room with several tiers of flooring.  The room was not of this world. The room had no walls, yet I could “see” walls.  The room had no floor, yet I could stand and walk on the floor.  In front of me was a man stooped over working on the base of a stand made of clear glass.  The stand was about 3.5 feet tall and at the top was a glass dome like what you would see at a museum with an artifact inside.  Inside the glass dome was a golden trumpet hanging in midair.  The trumpet could easily turn 360 degrees.  The trumpet had only one valve.  The man was working on a plaque. He was engraving with tools upon the face of golden plaque. 
The Lord spoke to me and explained to me that the man was inscribing the words, “The Time is Now. Blow the Trumpet in Zion”. 
Then He said the man had finished the words “The Time is Now” and is working on “Blow the Trumpet in Zion”.

I found myself standing in the room where I was before I was taken up into heaven. And then I heard a voice say to me,  “You, Paul, are that man”.

In the early 70’s I was the pastor of Southgate Baptist Church in Austin, Minnesota. Southgate was a Southern Baptist Pioneer Mission Church. We were not your normal run of the mill church. Some of us pastors made the trip down to San Antonio, Texas for a conference. Several well known ministers were the speakers.  Ronnie Dunn, Bertha Smith, Manly Beasley, Jack Taylor, and Leonard Ravenhill are a few that I remember.  During one of the morning sessions the Holy Spirit fell. There was not a dry eye in the place. My experience, being raised a Baptist, was that when Holy Spirit showed up at a meeting men and women repented. And repent we did. The altar was full. Pastors and their wives crying out to God.  But the clock told us that it was noon and the morning meeting was over and time to take lunch. The afternoon meeting would soon be upon us and so off to lunch we all went. The afternoon meeting began with the Gaithers singing, “There’s Something About That Name”.  Holy Spirit liked that song. He fell again. Off to the altar we all went again. I was sitting near the front and was out of my seat and shot to the front to get a good place near the crying rails. As I was having a good time in the Holy Spirit I noticed a lady next to me was having a hard time. This was the time that we Southern Baptists were debating whether or not a born again human could have demons. There was a lot of debate over this. I was on the side of “of course a Christian can have demons”. I had a ministry of deliverance and had seen firsthand God set believers free from demonic presences. So my heart went out to this lady in distress as I had discernment that her fight was with the enemy.  I began to pray for her without looking up. I began to realize that I was hearing someone taking authority over spirits and was doing so with a loud voice of authority.  And then I realized I was that person rebuking demons in the Name of Jesus.  I stopped. I was freaked out for sure. The whole place was stone quiet. Then a man stood up and yelled, “oh no you don’t, you are not going to get me” and began to run out of the building. He only got a few feet when freedom hit him and he fell out flat on his face. I did not hang around to see what else was going to happen. I just thought that maybe Jack Taylor, the pastor of the church we were holding our conference in, was going to run me out of town. I got up and hurried to the men’s room, ran into a stall and shut the door. I sat down on the closed lid and put my feet up on the door so no one would know I was there. I cried out to the Lord  “Help me. Help me, I am in real trouble here Lord”. Not too long after that I heard Father say to me, “Paul, would you like to intercede for the return of My Son in your lifetime?”

I was shocked.  Here I sat in real trouble and Father is asking me to intercede for the return of His Son, Jesus Christ, in my lifetime.  That means I would have to be alive when He would return.  I knew to pay attention to Father when He is being direct with me, so I gave Him my best educated christian answer.  “I know Lord that when You ask me to do something You will give me all that I need to finish the work.”  Not bad for off the top of my head.  I was feeling comfortable again.  But, Father said, “No Paul, you could fail or it would not be an intercession”. I thought, I considered, I answered.  “Yes, Father, I will”. I have been interceding (looking forward to and hastening the Day of the Lord – 2 Peter 3:12) for His return now for about 40 years.